Tony, Don’t be a hero

*To the tune of “Billy, Don’t be a Hero”

The usual gang went down to Zouk last night
The girls and boys dressed to the nines
I looked across and there I saw Tony
Waiting to go and join the line
There was a girl, so much he loved her
His sweet and pretty date that day,
From where I stood I saw she was cryin’
And through her tears I heard her say

Tony, don’t be a hero, don’t be a fool with your life
Tony, don’t be a hero, come back and make me your wife
And as he started to go she said, Tony, keep your head low
Tony, don’t be a hero, come back to me

The Mambo King was trapped on a podium
The people dancing all around
The DJ cried, You’ve got to dance on, guys!
We’ve got to listen for the sound
I need a volunteer to go up
And bring us back some extra drinks
And Tony’s hand was up in a moment
Forgettin’ all the words she said

She said
Tony, don’t be a hero, don’t be a fool with your life
Tony, don’t be a hero, come back and make me your wife
And as he started to go she said, Tony, keep your head low
Tony, don’t be a hero, come back to me

And when he finally got to the bar man
“Tequila shots, give me ten trays.”
The bar man said, “oh you are a rich boy
“I’ll mix you anything if you can pay”
I heard that he went broke that day …

They sang:

Tony, you are our hero, come back and dance to this song,
Tony, you are our hero, please take those drinks along,
And as he started to go they sang, Tony, come and get lo-o-ow
Tony, you are our hero, come dance with me

Safe

I recently started saying: Be safe, be sorry. But then again I think about it and I realise I’ve been too safe all my life. Yeah well I get crazy and do things to make everyone wonder what the hell I was thinking at the time, but it’s still within certain sane boundaries.

I’m thinking of breaking some so called rules. I’m thinking of playing dirty once in a while. The hard part is wondering if I’m going to become an asshole in the process.

Meanwhile, a life needs re thinking.

Don’t

To me:

Don’t give up, don’t give in, don’t make excuses, don’t say sorry, don’t wait, don’t show pain, don’t show emotion. 

To you:

Don’t lie.

Rush rush

I didn’t think this whole “saving yourself” thing would go so quickly. You make the decision one night and it’s been Rush Rush all the way! I’m not prepared to go through it so fast; I think commissioning and turning 21 will make it go even faster, but I must use these two things to slow it down somewhat. 

So I get into the car and turn the key, and over the radio “Can’t fight this feeling anymore” is playing and I go, “Shit.” 

Everything in my head seems like a rush, just like tonight (when I did 140 down Lornie for the first time in my life).

This time it’s for real.

I hate what you’ve done to this. But you’re happy. Too bad for me then.

I don’t miss it anymore. I don’t think about it anymore. Is that a good thing? Maybe not. 

I have this feeling that I’ll have an awful day tomorrow. Someone please shake me and tell me I’m not losing it. Someone please shake me and tell me everything is going to be fine. 

There is the very real and present possibility that this pattern is going to repeat itself This time, I must stop it. This time, it’s for real.

Goodbye.

Conflict

Maybe you’d think it weird that I like imagining shit happening in every day life like somebody getting shot; a helicopter landing in a car park and men in plastic suits running out; Chinese guys in black tuxedoes surrounding somebody and stabbing him with knives- things that you don’t see ever but wonder how people would react. 

It’s so cinematic- like the scene where Avner is running down stairs with a bunch of disguised Israeli commandos at his back, guns in hand, gunfire everywhere. 

Can’t help it that it’s all over the movies and people might just accuse me of being a film whore. But real life is boring, isn’t it?

“…and you will know it.”

The day has come. Yes, I am ready to play this game.

Re Post: “This isn’t really me.”

Chapter 1.

A story usually starts in some “cool” and “unique” way. With a flashback. In the midst of action. An introduction. Scene setting. Every story is different, every story is the same.

We learn in Video Production lecture that there’re three Acts to a story, the first being the “Set up” where the “hero” is introduced.

Hi there.

This is followed by the “Confrontation”, where the “main problem” is “confronted” by the hero. The story ends with the third Act, the “Resolution”, where the “hero” solves the “main problem”. The Powerpoint slide had a triangle showing what was called the “climax” occurring halfway through the third act.

In Hollywood, it’s good guy beats bad guy, happy family drive off into the sunset, James Bond makes love to a beautiful woman.

Every story is different, every story is the same.

This story starts with me trying to be something else. I’m trying to be Gonzo Journalist. I’m trying to be modernist-surrealist. I’m trying to be James Bond. I’m trying to go for “very Quentin Tarantino.”

I try and, more often than not, I fall flat on my face. I try like a loser tries to fit in like a friend who tries to care. Try me.

Hold that. This story starts with me being a loser and moving on to being something bigger. And the loser me can’t handle being bigger. And that’s how I get a story to tell.

So, there. In the society we live in, you’re not who you are, or what you are. You are what people think you are. You could tell all your friends that you banged some Caucasian you met on Khao San street in Bangkok and they’d think you were a charming, strapping lad who is “oh so confident.”

In actual fact you got a hard on and just continued eating your mango sticky rice.

You could tell your mother that you went to church this week. Mother says, that’s a “Good Boy.”

In actual fact you were in bed, all day.

This story starts with the “hero” (me) moving towards a “main problem”. This is Act I: It starts with me making myself something I’m not but what people think I am therefore I am. I am approaching the “Inciting Incident”.

Notice how I say, I am the “hero”. It’s like a movie. In Video Production we learn how to write a screenplay, how to set the scene and use the right format and develop your characters. So here’s me: the “hero”.

This isn’t really me. It’s what you think I am through the image of me you get reading this story written by me combined with your personal experiences and your view of the world. All this is written in some textbook somewhere.

This story starts with a conversation. Like scene setting. Let’s go.

“I’m making a sandwich,”

was all she said. And I was immensely fascinated.

Rifle 564

I’m standing here in front of the iron bars and  Leon shouts my number and takes my identity card from me and places it into a little folder along with everyone else’s, our faces showing up like a little memorial album of the people who died in so and so. He hands me my weapon.

I walk away, just another number, another soldier without an identity card, another soldier without an identity.