Today has moved so slowly. I look at it in retrospect and liken it to those moments right before a major happening- a car ploughs into another; a runner crosses the finish line; a man on one knee about to transit from boyfriend to fiancée- except that this is not a moment but an entire day.
Something is going to happen. I cannot shake this dreadful feeling that bad news is about to come my way, bad news borne of overdone promises and neglect and miles and miles of space.
I am stopping
*To the tune of “Billy, Don’t be a Hero”
The usual gang went down to Zouk last night
The girls and boys dressed to the nines
I looked across and there I saw Tony
Waiting to go and join the line
There was a girl, so much he loved her
His sweet and pretty date that day,
From where I stood I saw she was cryin’
And through her tears I heard her say
Tony, don’t be a hero, don’t be a fool with your life
Tony, don’t be a hero, come back and make me your wife
And as he started to go she said, Tony, keep your head low
Tony, don’t be a hero, come back to me
The Mambo King was trapped on a podium
The people dancing all around
The DJ cried, You’ve got to dance on, guys!
We’ve got to listen for the sound
I need a volunteer to go up
And bring us back some extra drinks
And Tony’s hand was up in a moment
Forgettin’ all the words she said
She said
Tony, don’t be a hero, don’t be a fool with your life
Tony, don’t be a hero, come back and make me your wife
And as he started to go she said, Tony, keep your head low
Tony, don’t be a hero, come back to me
And when he finally got to the bar man
“Tequila shots, give me ten trays.”
The bar man said, “oh you are a rich boy
“I’ll mix you anything if you can pay”
I heard that he went broke that day …
They sang:
Tony, you are our hero, come back and dance to this song,
Tony, you are our hero, please take those drinks along,
And as he started to go they sang, Tony, come and get lo-o-ow
Tony, you are our hero, come dance with me
Chapter 1.
A story usually starts in some “cool” and “unique” way. With a flashback. In the midst of action. An introduction. Scene setting. Every story is different, every story is the same.
We learn in Video Production lecture that there’re three Acts to a story, the first being the “Set up” where the “hero” is introduced.
Hi there.
This is followed by the “Confrontation”, where the “main problem” is “confronted” by the hero. The story ends with the third Act, the “Resolution”, where the “hero” solves the “main problem”. The Powerpoint slide had a triangle showing what was called the “climax” occurring halfway through the third act.
In Hollywood, it’s good guy beats bad guy, happy family drive off into the sunset, James Bond makes love to a beautiful woman.
Every story is different, every story is the same.
This story starts with me trying to be something else. I’m trying to be Gonzo Journalist. I’m trying to be modernist-surrealist. I’m trying to be James Bond. I’m trying to go for “very Quentin Tarantino.”
I try and, more often than not, I fall flat on my face. I try like a loser tries to fit in like a friend who tries to care. Try me.
Hold that. This story starts with me being a loser and moving on to being something bigger. And the loser me can’t handle being bigger. And that’s how I get a story to tell.
So, there. In the society we live in, you’re not who you are, or what you are. You are what people think you are. You could tell all your friends that you banged some Caucasian you met on Khao San street in Bangkok and they’d think you were a charming, strapping lad who is “oh so confident.”
In actual fact you got a hard on and just continued eating your mango sticky rice.
You could tell your mother that you went to church this week. Mother says, that’s a “Good Boy.”
In actual fact you were in bed, all day.
This story starts with the “hero” (me) moving towards a “main problem”. This is Act I: It starts with me making myself something I’m not but what people think I am therefore I am. I am approaching the “Inciting Incident”.
Notice how I say, I am the “hero”. It’s like a movie. In Video Production we learn how to write a screenplay, how to set the scene and use the right format and develop your characters. So here’s me: the “hero”.
This isn’t really me. It’s what you think I am through the image of me you get reading this story written by me combined with your personal experiences and your view of the world. All this is written in some textbook somewhere.
This story starts with a conversation. Like scene setting. Let’s go.
I’m standing here in front of the iron bars and Leon shouts my number and takes my identity card from me and places it into a little folder along with everyone else’s, our faces showing up like a little memorial album of the people who died in so and so. He hands me my weapon.
I walk away, just another number, another soldier without an identity card, another soldier without an identity.
It’s too late too fast. I see now, how everything is going to play out. He’s telling me to get out while I can. I’m telling him to get out while he can. I guess we’re both in it together, whatever.
The pieces on the chessboard stand still. It’s not clear who’s winning- neither side has begun a deliberate attack. It seems like both are biding their time, testing the waters.
I think again about the things that are going to happen, and wonder if changing the path towards the eminent result is going to cause more harm. Just as I begin, he steps in, late, as usual.
Late, fashionably.
I’m not one to give up.
I’m special that way.
Birds singing a song
Old paint is peeling
This is that fresh, that fresh feeling.
Words can’t be that strong
My heart is reeling
This is that fresh, that fresh feeling.
